Last Update: 05 Feb 00
Tell me what YOU think!
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I wondered how long it would be before you clicked on this subject...*grin*
First things first -- sex is fun, sex is good, sex can be a wonderful thing. Sex can be anything from the fulfillment of a basic human need to the ultimate expression of love and caring for someone. There's nothing inherently "wrong" or "dirty" about sex. Like most other things, however, it has it "do"s and its "don't"s.
People want sex. It's a basic instinct. Our bodies are constructed so that sex is a very pleasurable thing in which to engage. However, it's not (or, at least, it shouldn't be) a purely physical act. Our impressions of whether or not we are "satisfied" are mainly psychological. Physically, an orgasm is an orgasm. Psychologically, however, it can become anything from mind-numbing and thoroughly fulfilling to something that is, if you'll pardon the pun, something of an anti-climax. We can repeat the exact same sequence of physical actions with two different partners and get entirely different psychological results. It would seem, then, that the mental aspect of sex has become as least as important as the physical -- if not more so.
This would seem to apply especially strongly to women. There's little doubt that women can achieve much higher and more varied states of arousal and pleasure than can men. Yet, more often than not, it is the woman who will more willingly refuse to have sex when it is offered. Perhaps this is because she knows that she can "get it" more easily and whenever she wants it (for the most part). Some of this is unquestionably instinctive, as well, since the female of most animal species selects from available mates while the males try to get any and all females that they can. So, why is it that so many women complain of not being satisfied or that they aren't "getting enough"?
I think the answer to a lot of our problems with sex arises in how children are raised. As they grow up, children get all sorts of negative input about sex. Parents, religious training, society, and peer pressure all combine to throw in a lot of negatives. Girls are especially targeted by the onslaught of negatives. They are taught that "good girls" don't want sex, that men are invariably uncaring sexual animals, that sex must "wait until marriage" and, finally and most importantly, that they are certainly not supposed to... *gasp*... "enjoy" sex. It's little wonder that so many of them grow up to be women with multitudes of hangups. One of the leading causes of divorce and other marital problems is sexual incompatibility. One wonders how much this would be alleviated by open, positive and honest discussion of sex during childhood.
One other thing that should be taught during childhood is that when a man asks a woman out on a date, part of his reason for doing so is that he is sexually attracted to her. Now, this doesn't give a man any sort of license to "put a move" on that woman, but she should not act surprised or shocked when he does something that would express his interest in something other than conversation. See my "Love and Relationships" essay for more on this...
The bottom line here is that it's not wrong to say "Yes", but it's also not wrong to say "No". The decision needs to be one of mutual agreement. After all, it's not much fun if only one of the people involved really wants to be doing it. Nothing kills good sex like fear, apprehension, doubt, or selfishness. Too many men don't appreciate that last point. Hey, guys, if you want her to think you're a great guy, learn to be more interested in her pleasure than in your own. If all you want to do is get off, buy a girlie magazine or rent a porn video and, shall we say, take matters into your own hands. And, for the women, make sure you know how to give pleasure rather than just laying on your back, uncrossing your legs and "letting him have you". Both sexes are fully capable of telling when their partner isn't really willing -- and that certainly puts a damper on things.
Remember, sex is supposed to be FUN! Do your best to make it so and you'll never regret it.
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