REPLY #7 TO
are parts of the original essay (or a subsequent reply) to which the respondent has directed his comments.
prefaced by (R) are those of the respondent and are presented unedited.
My replies appear under the respondent's comments in blue text
and are prefaced by my initials (MB)
(R) You have a very interesting way of looking at things. Particularly this
(MB) Well, most people tend to let emotion or societal
dogmas dominate their thinking. I try to deal strictly with reason. Often,
that produces views which might well be "interesting" when contrasted with the
prevailing views of the masses. But, that's what makes for stimulating
(R) I cannot deny the logic of your sentiments. However, while reading, I
did ask myself the question, "what about the children?" After all, most
marriages do not fail because one person alone was at fault.
(MB) That may well be true. Often, a failed marriage is a
joint effort. It's really pointless to quibble over who is at fault if the
situation is beyond reasonable repair. So, what about the children? Divorce is
almost never something that is a good thing for children. However, is it better
to maintain a family where there is no love and much tension or hatred between
the parents? That also has a significant negative impact on the
(R) There are so many other choices available to individuals, other than
(MB) Of course, you're right. Adultery is not the solution
to every problem that married couples have to deal with. However, for *some*
problems, it may be one solution within a set of alternatives. My main point is
that this particular solution is a privte matter of morality and choice between
the husband and wife and not a public matter of legality and enforced behavior
at a societal level.
(R) Problem is, when you close your eyes and imagine the other choices
compared, then compare them to the often overwhelming DESIRE accompanied with
the temptation of an affair and it's easy to see why adultery is often the
choice selected. Most of us do think we can get away with it, or at least that
is what we tell ourselves. Truth be known, we really know we won't. We know
that sooner or later, we are going to be found out.
(MB) Certainly, people have legitimate concerns along
those lines, but I rather doubt that most instances of adultery are ever
discovered and that even fewer instances ever lead to real problems. Of course,
the only time we'll ever hear about it is in those cases where those problems
arise as a result. The rest of the time, nothing happens or a discovery is
dealt with without undue fuss.
(R) Oh, the nausea that comes from facing the moment of discover. The
decision that follows. . .do we lie like crazy and attempt to make things all
better, thanking our lucky stars that we came to our senses, only to revert back
to the behavior some months later? Or do we know better, and just call it
quits? You tell me.
(MB) That's all depends on the individual involved and
seeks to inject societal morality into the picture. Some folks tremble at the
thought of being caught jaywalking. Others do what they please with no fear at
all. If the individual doesn't believe that he has done anything wrong by his
act of adultery, it is unlikely that he will fear the consequences of discovery.
He certainly won't consider himself to be "coming to his senses" or "knowing
better" if he no longer does it.
(R) I still ask myself. . what happens to the children?
(MB) As always, the children go along for the ride. An
adulterous parent is hardly the worst situation that can befall a
(R) Perhaps, rather than look into the options of short-term commitments in
marriages, we should investigate the possibilities of training and
(MB) This is in accord with my position that marriages
should be subject to renewal every five years (see my Love and Relationships
essay). I would certainly agree that too many couples enter into marriage
without being adequately prepared.
(R) How can we better select a life-time partner? What sort of things
should we do and not do during our relationships to avoid the distances that
build up between partners? Take less time blaming and more time preventing,
(MB) I don't know if there are any perfect solutions to
ensure that all marriages will be problem-free. Many which begin very well or
last for many years without problems suddenly fall apart due to unforeseen and
insurmountable circumstances. Others just gradually deteriorate in a way that
might not even be noticeable until it has gone too far. I have suggested that
Man is not a species that was meant to mate for life and that the number of
unhappy and broken marriages is ample supporting evidence for this view. A
five-year renewal period would acknowledge this and help ensure that marriages
endure only when both parties want it to be so.
(R) Just some thoughts. I know they are not in line with the point you were
making, yet your essay did leave me questioning.
(MB) That's the whole point of this forum. Agreement with
me is not a requirement. Heck, there wouldn't be many debates if everybody
agreed on everything!
(R) Thanks for your time, your thoughts and your words.
(MB) Thank you for your own thoughts on this