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MARK L. BAKKE'S
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REPLY #4 TO
"ADULTERY"
Boldfaced statements are parts of the original essay (or a subsequent reply) to which the respondent has directed his comments.
 Italicized/emphasized comments prefaced by (R) are those of the respondent and are presented unedited. My replies appear under the respondent's comments in blue text and are prefaced by my initials (MB). (R) Whew buddy!...I guess it's clear where you stand. (MB) Well, that's kinda sorta the idea here...*grin* (R) I used to be of the opinion of the majority of "right-minded" individuals in the good ol' USA. Unfortunately, three really bad marriages later....my stance has changed somewhat. (MB) It's amazing (or, perhaps, it really isn't) how people tend to change their attitudes once a dose of reality has been applied. It's unfortunate that bad things have to happen to good people. Hopefully, we can learn from them and not repeat mistakes. (R) I still believe that two people CAN find that unity that so many lack....it takes constant work...Constantly! (MB) Agreed. Nothing that's worthwhile comes without effort. However, there are times when no amount of effort ever amounts to anything other than a waste of time and energy. (R) But I do see where the straying can occur. I never did myself while married....and until recently...never even considered being an active participant in any "such dealings". (MB) I can salute you for that. I can also sympathize for the bad marriages that you've been through and which have caused you to change your mind. Our society's moral precepts are made for ideal situations. When the situations are no longer anything close to ideal, those same precepts often tend to become an additional part of the problem. (R) Seriously...if I am working hard on fulfilling my partner's needs in every aspect, I would be hurt if he had an affair without giving me the benefit of knowing that he had a problem with our relationship. Wouldn't you agree with that? In the same token, I would be up front with my partner concerning his meeting my needs. (MB) I agree completely. That's what a solid relationship should (in fact, *must*) be built upon. If that ever goes from an integral part of the relationship to a virtual non-issue, the relationship is as good as over and any "contract" that may have previously existed between the two parties has effectively been terminated. (R) So....I'll tell you this too...I was crushed by my first husband's wanderings....and until this day...I do not have a clue why. Our sex life was incredible....I NEVER saw the affair(s) coming. When I did, I was devastated. It almost destroyed my self-confidence and I suspect it's partly to blame for the next two bad marriages. I'm much better now! But I will say that people should consider everything before making the decision to have an extra-marital fling...or relationship. (MB) I agree completely. It's not a decision that should be taken lightly or one that should be made with the idea that one is doing something dishonest. My main point is that society is in error when it makes a blanket declaration that all extramarital "affairs" are "wrong" -- especially to the point where they might even be illegal. (R) I understand where YOU are coming from. But, honestly, most men, I feel, cheat just because they can. Women are far less likely to cheat for the sake of cheating....their affairs would be more like what you've said. (MB) Obviously, I agree...*grin* It is the nature of mammals for the male of the species to seek sex with multiple females while the females tend to stay with one mate. The biological and sociological reasons for this are many and varied. It is only the societal and somewhat artificial morality of humans that causes us to voluntarily change these behaviors. Marriage and monogamy are not our natural state. That's why it takes so much work to maintain them when our society demands it.
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