Last Update: 15 Aug 00

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(R) I found your site on adultery discussion very interesting.
(MB) Thank you! It is certainly a subject which few people discuss openly and I'm happy to be able to provide a forum so that those who wish to discuss it can do so.

(R) I have been with the same partner for 22 years, but have cared for another man for 24 years. He has been married 3 times, and is currently unhappily married. I have seen him for prolonged periods twice in the past, when the sex was incredible, and I recently re-established contact through email.
(MB) I suspect that such scenarios are more common that many people think and are certainly more common than people will admit to.

(R) My problem is that I was raised that adultery is a sin and for years I have wrestled with my "conscience", trying to justify my connection.
(MB) Unfortunately, our overly-Christian society tends to get rather righteous about the subject and tends to raise its kids in the manner you describe. I find this rather interesting in light of the polygamous past of the group from whom the first Christians descended.

(R) I am trying to love without attachment, and would never think of hurting others by breaking up his marriage or my relationship.
(MB) I think this is an excellent philosophy which would benefit most people regardless of the circumstances underlying their relationships. Who can justify the idea that we can't or shouldn't love and care for somebody just because we aren't married to them or because we might be married to somebody else?

(R) But I know this man is in my life for a reason, and I resent the moralistic, prudish attitudes that Americans have towards sex in general.
(MB) I strongly agree and would go further to say that we would not have nearly so many problems with everything from societal conflicts to violent personal offenses if we had a more enlightened attitude towards sex and relationships.

(R) Monogamy has been forced upon us for 4000 years and it is not necessarily the only way to live.
(MB) Especially considering that the majority of human cultures have a polygamous past and many still either maintain it or accept it. I feel that enforced monogamy violates a basic instinct of the human species.

(R) I believe that adults should have the right to choose their sexual partners without threats of jail sentences, financial ruin, or hellfire.
(MB) Two thumbs up from me for that statement! Even if one doesn't see eye-to-eye with any given sexual practice or preference, there is no reason for him to try to restrict or punish consenting adults who may see things differently. The guiding principle should be whether or not any harm is being inflicted on others -- not whether or not some arbitrary moral standard is being violated.

(R) Monogamy is not the ultimate reality for everyone. Why does it have to be forced on us by the moral majority, who is neither?
(MB) I use that line myself...*grin* There is absolutely nothing on which everybody is in agreement. The personal, private and consentual activities of adults which cause no harm to others should not be subject to arbitrary moral standards since there is no agreement on what those standards should be and no overriding reason for their enforcement.

(R) What do you think?
(MB) I think you're one of the few who has it right on this issue.

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